SuperParents offers antibully courses for children with the premise to teach a range of non-lethal, non-violent options to be used when a student can’t avoid a physical confrontation. During our course, we practice physical tactics that help a defender deal with an attack effectively and with the aim to reduce aggression; ultimately reporting back to an adult.
The training is eye-opening – you have an aggressor expending loads of emotional and physical energy (see Teens Confronting Bullying) while in contrast the defender deals with the attack fairly easily. In this simple way, we earn grudging respect from teenagers all the time!
Later in our sessions we also touch on social media and texting. The most common being that rumour spreading and gossiping creates unhappiness (see What can Teens do in the Face of Cyberbullying). This leads to angry retorts, which then could escalate very quickly into physical altercations. While not strictly covered by the definition of ‘bullying,’ this type of disruption has no place in a safe and nurturing school environment.
So we recall the lesson from the physical self defence – that is, how ‘cool’ would it be to deal with a physical attack with ease, controlling the situation and deescalating a conflict, irrespective of facing someone going off his face? (See Who’s Not Learning the Rules to Survive High School?)
It has to be said that it’s a moment when the teen can think about the consequences of their immediate response – that an angry retort in retaliation for rumour mongering may not be the best tactic. It shouldn’t be the only tactic they have.
While many parents would think otherwise, teens are thinking individuals. They can reflect on the same depth of cause and effect that adults can. They merely don’t prioritise their decision making criteria as adults do. Simply stating, their risk response is very different from that of an adult. So, it is our job to offer them other options in hope they will consider safer and less antagonistic routes for conflict resolution.
So next time you are choosing to deliberate on decision making, talk to your teen about why you are doing so. Perhaps reflect on how taking a step back is important, and how it could be applied to provocations faced in the social media context. Talk about what is important to you. What it is you value. And while it may be different from what your teen values, how they could become ‘cooler’ by taking control of their own emotional energy.
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